So Sustainable

Like any self-respecting white (mostly), liberal (mostly), middle-class American, i paid a visit to the Farmer's Market on Saturday afternoon.  Dave was home with two of the kids, so i brought the two-year-old, Georgia, along for some quality time with a bunch of whiteys and their fucking dogs. Also, i really wanted some fresh peas, as the availability of fresh peas is short-lived, and i love those little guys.

While waiting approximately 45 minutes for a woman to vacate her parking space (having to collapse her reusable, recycled plastic wheeled shopping basket after slowwwly and deliberately emptying it of her reusable, recycled shopping bags full of organic local vegetables and slowwwly trying to somehow fit it into her wee Prius, then slowwwwly attempting to untangle her baby from the convoluted web of her organic cotton baby sling....) i was honked at by the line of cars forming behind me, which i actually reveled in--i heretofore believed myself to be the only person who honks in Salt Lake City and as an East Coaster, i miss that kind of grit. I happily flipped them off and pulled into the Prius's spot. During that time i'm pretty sure i burned enough fuel idling in my seven-seater Volvo to negate that woman's owning of recycled, reusable goods, or possibly her even owning a Prius.

On to the market, which was starting to wind down by this point, i grabbed the last of the pea supply from a local grower at the nice price of $6 for a whole plastic grocery bag full. (Yes, i forgot my reusable bag and would be forced to endure the judgmental stares of more "conscious" market-goers...).  Time for a celebratory latte. The little stand that sells them here has what i think are some of the the best iced lattes in town, and unfortunately they don't have a store save for this little kiosk at the market.

Latte in hand, we spotted a tomato stand with just a few heirlooms left. I approached the seller and asked his price--the 'maters were looking pretty shoddy, and as a home 'mater-grower myself, i wondered how he could have a harvest at all this early in the season, especially with the ridiculously extended winter we've had this year. "I start them at Christmas," he told me. "I have a hydroponic, sustainable greenhouse setup down in Sandy--i use a low-water drip system, totally sustainable, all natural and organic symbiotic heirloom growing, worm castings, blah blah blah i'm a big fucking hippie with no job blaaaah." "These look like total shit," i thought to myself.

-"These must be the end of your supply--they look pretty blighted," i said to the vendor.
-"Well," he said, "that is all part of the natural process of organic--"
-"Come on, dude," i cut in. "I grow tomatoes, too."
-"Um, earwigs, " he muttered. "I have an earwig problem."
-"Yeah, ok. So how much for those two?"

He discounted the tomatoes, and i bought two small ones, and thankfully another customer showed up before i had to listen to the rest of his spiel about how someday his (5-year-old) daughter will have an Organic Hydroponic Vegetable Empire in the Salt Lake Valley. Yeah, P.S. we live in the goddamned desert dude.

I realize i sound like some sort of callous, carnivorous, Wal-Mart-going, Arab-slaying, Republican fuckwad here, and maybe that is partly true. But not really. (i did have a latte, right?) I love to support local and organic causes, i just find these people endlessly entertaining. 

Back to the food: as the market was closing down, GA and i headed across the street to Caputo's, a delightful Italian specialty market i love and can barely afford. En route i ran into my friend Adam Curfew and his friend Jeff, who were, in fantastic Farmer's Market Sustainable form, on bikes. I love talking with Adam, except that he is the brewmaster for Squatter's, and therefore he reminds me of beer--this is difficult for me to deal with when i am pregnant and would enjoy a beer or twelve immensely. It's exactly like talking to a giant, charming beer. We chatted for awhile while GA hung out and held my latte for me. By the end of the conversation said latte was all ice and i'd only had a few swallows. No nap.

At any rate, Caputo's sells these chocolates that are so exquisite i cannot even convey...[insert Homer Simpson drooling noise here]. They are by Chocolatier Blue and are $2/piece. Check out the site--every piece is like a jewel. In fact, eating actual rubies or emeralds would be only slightly more expensive, but not nearly as delicious:


That guy Chris Blue is my hero i think. The passionfruit caramel is my personal favorite, and they were out, so to fill the cavernous void in my soul, i moved on to the cheese counter to spend something like $42 on cheese and Creminelli sausage. Dinner was a delightful cheese plate consisting of the sausage, bread, some gourmet mustard, an aged Gruyere, a soft and runny La Tur, and to top it off, this awesome Boxing Cheddar from, where else? Costco. NOM NOM NOM.


  1. I am a sold follower! Love food, Love to laugh! Thanks!!! -the liberal republican

  2. LOVEEEEEEE. mmmmmmm.cheese. Caputos I love you Italian food wizard. latte. yum. thanks for the very entertaining read. love, one of your biggest fans.

  3. btw, you forgot a parenthetical "mostly" in front of the word "white."

  4. Babies can't drink coffee!!! You are so marvelous with words! This blog is a reminder of why you are one of my dearest.

  5. Okay, so for serious. Those guys from www.chocolatierblue.com have me almost gnawing on my knuckles as slobbers slides down my wrists. I would probably stab a man in the eye for a sampling. And I am jealous of your Caputo market accessibility. Because I'm about to pay a detective to find me good truffle oil over here.
    HAaaa! @ Georgia cracked out.My biggest concern would've been the mountains of poo she could've produced! Okay....no barfing. xo

  6. hil-air-ee-us lady, hil-aaaaiiiiiir-eee-us. love it.