8.10.2010

West Africa

On a fun night back in April, our friend Evan decided to respond to a rental scammer's email while he was at our house. It was truly inspired and much hilarity ensued. I sent this email out the following morning:

  "Ok--so my friend Evan was looking to rent a house and emailed for info about it. He got the most insane response and when he was over last night we decided he should write back. And he is my hero for writing some of the funniest shit i have ever read. I literally fell off my chair. Everything in bold writing is Evan and the rest is "Ben". It will take a few minutes to read all this but it is worth it, i assure you. Enjoy! "

On 4/7/10, Evan wrote:
Ben,
Saw your ad on craigslist and would very much like to have a look at the
place and get some info on it! Email me back or reach me on my cell at 801-___-____.
Thank you!
Evan Tendick
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile


-----Original Message-----
From: Ben C Rush 
Date: Wed, 7 Apr 2010 15:13:54
To: Evan
Subject: Re: Grand St rental

Greetings to you in the name of the Lord, I am here to tell you that
if you are willing to rent the house, then it will be the best house
you have ever lived in, because i am no more living in the house
anymore. Due to my Work as a Evangelist, I traveled on a mission to
West Africa for a programmed called the Go West Africa Programmed,
which you can visit on
www.gowestafrica.org. ..... And i have decided to relocate to Arizona
as soon as i am back to state.

Here is the address of the house:

Address: --- Grand st, Salt Lake City, UT
Monthly rent: $700
Security Deposit :600
Application fee:$0.00

So i need someone very honest and kind to rent my home. I am really
willing to rent this home out because i wont be staying there
anymore,so you can have the house as long as you want. I will love you
to go and view the home asap. I am sorry i am not there and i have the
keys with me here in West Africa.... So i would want you to really
bear with me.I am willing to rent out the house for the price of $700
plus utilities like water, heat, washer and dryer hookup,air
condition, Refrigerator, internet cable, Pets are considered and
available for move in Immediately...Don't be surprised when you get to
the home and see a for sale sign in the home, i had the intention of
selling the home but i thought about it again and decided to rent out
the home to any one that can really take good care of the
house.....Because it is a very beautiful home and i will always love
to call it my home....So i will want you not to bother yourself about
any sign you see in the home saying it is for sale and also i have
inform the realtor that incharge it before to remove it but am not
sure if he do that,because am no more working with him any more due to
his attitued and also is not trustfull.....and i don't want you to
contact them because i am now renting out my house and don't have
anything with them anymore. If you are willing to see the inside, then
you can peek through the windows, because i have the keys here and i
hope you understand.......By peeking

through the windows, you will be able to see a lot of the interior.
The house will be rented out to you as long as you want because i am
no longer staying there any more.
If you are really interested i will advice you to fill out the
application form below,fill it out and sent back to me,so that i can
attached it to my file and start the arrangement forther.

                                            RENTAL APPLICATION FORM.
Full Name__________________________________________________
Home Phone (        )________________________
Date of Birth_________________________
________
Other Phone (       )___________________
Current Address_______________________________Apt#________
City__________________ State______ Zip________
Reasons for Leaving____________________________Rent $__________Phone
(       )____________________________
Are you married____________________________
How many people will be living in the house____________________________
Do you have a pet____________________________
Do you have a car____________________________
Do You Drink___________________________
DO YOU Work Late Night____________________________
Occupation____________________________
When do you intende to view the surounding___________________________
Move In Date____________________________
When do you intended sending me the deposit___________________________
When do you intended receiving the keys and document of the
house___________________________

Call me  

God Bless You.


Ben!

So $uch thanks to you prompt and legitimate response to my inquire about your house in Salt Lake city!

What a incredible miracle brought on by the miracle working power of the Great Lord Our Savior. You may find yourself to be amazed by this unbelievable situation but my brother Steven is in West Africa currently too and assisting with the circumcision of his beloved and sacred betrothed and wondrous girlfriend Jamiroquai! May you be available to assist in the apprehension of her in the event she attempts to flee this amazing and God Blessed Ritual Of Purification?

If may you find yourself to be of assistance to my dear brother Steven in his holy efforts, I will be so mightily glad to join forces with you and maybe to even rent your God blessed home on Grand street in Salt Lake city.

Please respond for me in God's name to make our union so therefore made. You are truly here to bless me with the gift of your incredibly beautiful and sacred former residential and what is been to be a perfect union. If maybe after you can successful assist my brother Steven in his efforts, you might find him worthy to be in receiving the keys to your house in Salt Lake City of which I would feel the amazing honor to be renting. If a for sale sign may be to happen upon the premises of house on ___ Grand Street with additional utilities being paid on rental, I will encourage my slaves to remove the sign and burn or destroy it at the soon they can find.

Please send to me any contact informations you have for my Brother Steven to meet you in West Africa!

God bless.

PS. I have peeked on the windows and have seen the nice that is your former house. . . It is truly God blessed and wondrous!!!
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

3 comments:

  1. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. bbbbbbbbuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhahahahahaahaaaaaaa

    ReplyDelete
  3. HOLY shit. I need to find what Becky replied to an identical post. Female circumcision? Amazing!
    ahahahahahahhaha!

    ReplyDelete