Oh, Did I Have A Blog?

Guys, i wrote this a year ago. Since then, if you can possibly believe it, life got even more insane. But i think Gus may have stopped wanting us to die, school is starting, and we have a nanny now, so, once again, I'm hoping the upswing is around the corner. But i have had quite a few requests to start writing again, so i figure i have to start somewhere, so here is a glimpse of my 2012:


Oh, hi! Perhaps you remember my blog. I don't. I only have about three brain cells left, and they all have to hold hands and fucking Kumbayah for me to think. Since our military dictator bundle of joy arrived a year and a half ago, the shit hit the fan, so please do excuse the delay. I have been busy dying inside. That little baby-shaped ball of evil persistence has seriously tipped the scales around here. We love him dearly, but either he's planning to save the world or burn it to dust and ashes, we aren't sure which. Should we buy him a unicorn or a hairless cat? The kid has fire. He is responsible for countless baby-maimings both at daycare and on playdates, and he looks like a tiny, pissed-off version of my mother-in-law. It's disconcerting at best. It's like i can feel him judging me. He even tries to bully his older siblings. Beau has immunity, of course, but Kingston and Georgia often come to me sobbing that Baby Gus has somehow drawn blood. I sometimes wonder if he actually did die in the NICU, and they just pulled some Pet Sematary shit and brought him back to life and any day now he's going to cut through my Achilles tendon with a butter knife. To quote my husband's fevered query last night, "WHY IS HE SO HATEFUL? WHY IS HE RUINING EVERYTHING? He's taking...our souls...*muffled sob*..."

 But! When he's cute, he's beyond cute, and smart as a whip. I really think he just has serious drive, and when he can articulate it more successfully and is able to keep up with the herd a little better, he'll be a delight. But we will probably be dead by then because he will have already murdered us. (Even now, i type sitting on an inflatable donut because he pushed me out of a hammock and broke my tailbone. He is ONE.)

                                                                        BLOODTHIRSTY


 Anyhoo, since we just bought our dream house and are beginning a remodel, i thought i'd rev up the old blog again so you can all feel awesome about your easy-ass lives. Starting this week! I probably need to do some filling in as well, because there has been some pretty entertaining clusterfuckery that has gone on in the past 18 months. Even just in the last 4 weeks, my toddlers crashed a truck into someone's HOUSE, i have been in the ER twice, we moved out of our old house without any assistance, and i was kissed heartily by a woman without my permission. But we are still married, my kids and my parents are alive, we have an amazing house to work on, and only one of my bones is broken, so i still consider myself a lucky lady. Stay tuned...